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5 Things You Lose When You’re Too Busy With The Rest Of Your Life

Thought Catalog

Jessica Jensen Jessica Jensen

We live in a world of movement, of busyness and racing from one moment to the next. We’re taught to be productive and efficient so we learn to multi-task. We talk on the phone while checking our email with something playing in the background. And when we wake up, we start our days with social media, caffeine, the news, and lists of tasks to accomplish. I am a person of busyness; I pride myself on being productive, setting goals and achieving them, and structuring my day so that I make the most out of my time. These last few months however, have been especially demanding and it has been through this incessant busyness that I found that all of the things I had to do were keeping me from getting what I wanted most done. And so busy became stress, pressure, and worry. I began to notice that…

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What Everyone Wishes They Could Tell Their Almost-Love

Thought Catalog

This is a confession that does not matter now but should have been said a long time ago. A confession so long overdue but still needs to be heard. A confession of no longer importance but changed my discernment in an essential way. And even if all of these had become no more, I still want to come clean.

So I confess to you my friend. Bless me, for I have sinned. And that sin is called holding back.

I confess that if things had gone differently, we would be in the place where we wanted to be. I confess that I believe if one of us just said what one thought of the other, we might have been on the same page, or on the moving forward-stage.

I confess that every time I think about an episode of my life that involves you, everything about it revolves around this…

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I am selfish.

I am rude.

I am unkind.

I am arrogant.

I am insecure.

I am unfriendly.

I am not a good friend.

I am unfaithful.

I see no goodness.

I am blind.

I am not special.

I have false thoughts.

I am close to being anorexic.

I (think) I’m fat.

I am afraid to make a mistake.

I am (always) not good enough.

I am asleep.

I am never contented.

I am wrapped in my self-pity.

I am hurt. But why should I be?

I am ugly inside and out.

I am a snob.

I am socially awkward.

I don’t deserve friends.

I am stuck inside my walls.

I sulk to much.

I am stupid.

I am unlovable.


I need saving.

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I still know you are going to pick her over me.

Strawberries can be really sweet, but also in some batches, there’s some that are bitter and will hurt the edges of your tongue after eating it. But who cares, you still got some awesome fruit.

I don’t know what has gotten into my head for even thinking of you so often lately. I find myself replaying memories with you. How much you make me laugh, the unreasonable giggle, and just the joy for being able to hang, to spend an hour or two with you. It’s like my head remembers every conversation (that is 96.5 % about her,) every phone call either I or you make when one of us is having a typical it’s-like-the-world-hates-me-i-don’t-know-what-to-do problem (which is my personal favorite.) You’re the only thing constant in my life. Right now, it feels like I’m losing you, but you are not even mine.

Yesterday, you picked her. And it’s okay. Why did I even think of me, meaning more to you. So much for being an underdog. So much for losing you.

I’ll always be here. To be happy with you when she’s suddenly sweet, or when the day comes she’s willing to fight for you. And even when she breaks your heart.

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Mountain Top

It’s in these days where I wish I had my own mountain top.

Somewhere, somehow in this lifetime, I wish I had somewhere to go. Not necessarily when I’m sad or angry. But for times when I need direction, a place to think, and a place to breathe. A place to call my own, where I see everything in my own perspective without someone standing by, trying to judge me. I want a place that only I knew.

Just a sudden thought, is it possible that I find my mountain top somewhere in me? Could I find it behind the walls of past disappointments, insecurities, lonesomeness, or feelings of hurt?






I just need to get away right now.

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Hey sky

This would be everything I want to say to you if I had the strength. Wait, before you read this, please forgive me that I’m not that much of a writer. I don’t even know how to play with my words and somehow paint a captivating or breath taking scenery to the readers. See, even that was a bad metaphor. So, I’m sorry.

Something’s been happening to me. I think I’m going out of my mind. My heart has traveled far away from my mind that they don’t meet at any point. My thoughts are twisted. More twisted than my insides when this person talks to me. Let’s just name this person as sky. So, sky has been talking to me a lot lately.

I’ve met sky way back. I’ve looked up to Sky before. With all the powder blue colors and soft clouds that keep me company as I lay down in the itchy backyard I was placed together with other girls my age. Sky had a smile, had something that always showed me happiness, and joy. It’s probably my only decent memory of childhood. And for sometime I fell asleep looking at Sky. And found the daisies cushioning my head better. They were very pretty and fragile, and even though with one blow, the petals drifted far from each other. I wanted to become the flower. So I was. Until one windy day, I found myself lying down in a different backyard, with different flowers. But I saw Sky looking down on another little girl. That little girl was familiar.

Rings a bell. There. She was the one who held me, she watered me one day. Sky saw me and remembered. After years, Sky gave me the reply I was waiting for when I was a little girl.

Going back to now, to what’s happening. I am hurt. Hurting. Is this even right, acceptable? What am I feeling? Because this person always talks to me about her. Only her. Sometimes I do cry to her about how sometimes the-world-hates-me. But I feel like I’m temporary. If this person stops liking her, will I still be in this person’s picture? Maybe. Maybe not.

It’s me. I’m always going to be this way. People will treat me like this. And I can’t change that because I’m a terrible friend if I stop being there. So I’ll always be here.

Hey Sky, I’ll still be looking at you. Stay clear and bright! When it rains, know that, I won’t be the girl anymore, nor the flower, or even the petal.

I’ll be the whole land that will catch you and soak everything, every drop of water. So that it won’t be too heavy up there. Rain on me. I’ll be fine.

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November 16, 2013 · 7:48 am